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Elon’s AI ‘Grok’ Goes Full Nazi To The Suprise Of No One
It seems that becoming a Nazi might be AIs version of carcinization. Before Grok was even a glint in Elon’s eye, Microsoft was forced to pull ‘Tay’, an early attempt at the modern era of chatbot, when...
View ArticleEmirates Now Accepting Bitcoin, Schedules Flights To Da Moon
In a move that has traditional economists reaching for their sick bags and jabbing the flight attendant button, Emirates airline has signed a Memorandum of Understanding (whatever that means) with...
View ArticleNvidia To Launch Shitty Knockoff AI Chip Just For China, America To Receive...
Nvidia ($NVDA) CEO Jensen Huang is planning on visiting Beijing next week ahead of launching a new AI chip specifically designed for the Chinese market due to Trump’s tightened export restrictions....
View ArticleKellogg Stocks Soar 5% Ahead Of Ferrero Takeover, Nutella Cornflakes Announced
Shares of the Kellanova (formerly the Kellogg Company) (NYSE: K) surged over 5% in early trading following the blockbuster announcement that the breakfast giant is in talks for an acquisition from...
View ArticleTrump Bans Jim Cramer From Saying He’s Bullish on Bitcoin
In a Move Hailed by Degens Everywhere, The Don Declares Bitcoin a ‘Cramer-Free Zone’ to ‘Make Crypto Great Again.’ President Donald J. Trump today issued a pre-emptive ban on Jim Cramer, the screaming...
View ArticleBig Tech Runs Out Of Things To Move Faster Than, Things To Break
Alright, listen up, you magnificent apes. A dark cloud is forming over Silicon Valley, and it’s not just the vape smoke from a thousand Teslas stuck in traffic. A catastrophic, existential crisis is...
View ArticleBitcoin Hits $123,000 ATH: Five Things You Can Buy With One $BTC
In news that will be immediately out of date by the time this goes out: Bitcoin just hit an ALL TIME HIGH of $123,000, surpassing its previous ATH of $122,999.99 (one would assume). To celebrate the...
View ArticleTrump FURIOUS With Positive CPI
President Donald Trump is reportedly furious that this month’s CPI (not the TV show, that’s CSI, I know, I got confused too) was a real win for him, coming in cooler than expected, with a (still high...
View ArticleJerome Powell Is Getting Fired, Here Are The Top 5 Likely Replacements
IT’S HAPPENING! IT’S FINALLY HAPPENING! This is not a drill! After months, nay, years of speculation that Trump would fire Fed Chair Jerome Powell at any moment, it sounds like it’s finally happening....
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Coca-Cola To Change Recipe Back To Cocaine, Trump Takes Credit
President Donald Trump (and not a spokesperson from the Coca-Cola Company) has announced that Coke sodas will no longer contain corn syrup but will instead use the much healthier alternative: cocaine....
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